Potty Training Spike

Contributed and compiled by Kathleen Kremer.

(Stu (Tommy's dad) is fixing a leaky faucet with a wrench in the bathroom)

Stu: Stupid leaky faucet!

(cut to downstairs, doorbell rings)

(cut back to Stu in the bathroom)

Stu: I'll get- (hits head on sink pipe as he lifts his head) Ow! (puts foot into pail and almost slips). Woooah! Oh great. Deed!

Didi: (peers into bathroom) Oh, I'll get it!

Stu: Good idea.

(cut to Didi in living room, opening front door; Chuckie and his dad are there)

Didi: Good morning Charles! Good morning Chuckie!

Charles: Hi Didi! Uh, thanks for watching Chuckie. Hey, do you think Stu would mind putting this "I'm a Big Boy Potty Seat Adapter" on your toilet?

(holds up the box)

Didi: I'm sure Stu would be happy to put in the adapter. In fact, he's working in the bathroom right now. (holds Chuckie) Isn't this exciting, Chuckie? You're moving to the grown up potty.

Charles: Today's the day. 'Though I am little worried about getting him away from that old clown potty.

Didi: Well, you know what Lipschitz says. All it takes is a little praise. We'll just be sure to tell him what a good boy he is and how proud we are that he's using his new potty. But right now Chuckie's little friends are waiting for him.

(cut to Tommy, Phil, and Lil playing ball in the backyard; Didi puts Chuckie down near them)

Didi: There you go Chuckie! Have fun.

(she leaves)

Tommy: Hey, how are you doing Chuckaroo?

Chuckie: Hi guys.

(sighs; sits holding knees in front of him)

Tommy: Um, is something wrong Chuckie?

Chuckie: No.

Lil: Then why are you sitting on the ground all scrunched up like an old bag?

Chuckie: No reason.

Lil: Are you hiding something?

Chuckie: (gasping) I'm not hiding anything. I just have to go potty.

Phil: So why don't you just go?

Chuckie: I can't go when people are lookin'. And I really gotta go right now but all the grownups are watching me every time I go, and I really gotta go!

Tommy: Hey, Chuckie! I "got" an idea. Why don't you just on the tree?

Chuckie: Once you're potty trained, you can't go back to stuff like that!

Tommy: Why not? Spike does it all the time.

(Chuckie looks at the house, then at the tree)

Chuckie: Oh, all right! I'll use the tree, but you guys got to not look at me, 'kay?

Tommy: Okay! Don't worry. We'll look at this flower.

(Chuckie approaches the tree; the kids and dog stare at a flower on the ground; Didi looks out of door)

Didi: Oh no! He's regressing! (she runs to him, scooping him up) Chuckie, no! Now, I know the big boy potty may seem a little scary, but you won't need to worry because I'll be watching you the whole time.

(she takes him indoors)

Tommy: Huuuh!

(cut to Stu finishing installing the potty seat in the bathroom; Charles is watching)

Stu: There - safe, secure, and ready for action.

(Didi enters holding Chuckie)

Didi: Look everybody! Chuckie is ready to use his new big boy potty!

(places Chuckie on floor and pulls down his pants)

Stu: Got it all set up for you Champ!

(Didi puts Chuckie on the seat)

Charles: There you go, little fellow. We're all very excited!

(all the grownups stare at Chuckie; he shakes in fear)

(cut to Tommy, Phil, and Lil playing in the backyard; Didi brings Chuckie outside)

Didi: Don't worry honey. We'll try again later.

Tommy: Hey, Chuckie! Did you go?

Chuckie: No, the grownups were looking at me the whole time, and I tried to go but I couldn't and now I don't even "gotta" go no more. I thought you said it was okay to go potty on the tree!

Tommy: I'm sorry, Chuckie! It used to be okay.

Lil: Maybe your mommy and daddy changed the rules. There's no "splaining" grownups.

Chuckie: Well, now I know I'm not doin' that again.

(Spike the dog passes by on his way to the tree)

Phil: Uh oh. I guess Spike doesn't know.

Tommy: Huuuhhhh!

(Spike sniffs the tree)

Tommy: Spike, noooo! (kids run to the tree, and Tommy grabs Spike by the collar) I'm sorry Spike, but the rules are changed and you'renot "apposed" to go potty on the tree no more!

(Spike whines)

Chuckie: Tommy, we can't just tell him not to go potty! Everybody's gotta go sometime!

Tommy: You're right Chuckie! We've got to teach him a new way to go potty! From now on, I'm going to be Spike's dad.

Chuckie: Yeah, and I'll be, uh, Spike's other dad.

Phil: And we'll be Spike's Uncle Bill and Aunt Harriet.

Lil: (in old person's voice) Who's --- (?), young Spikey?

Phil: (pointing at Spike, in old man's voice) Hold my finger, son!

Tommy: Okay, Spike. Let's get started.

(cut to the babies in a bedroom with Spike)

Tommy: Okay, Chuckie. Here's the diapers. Phil and Lil, you hold Spike while me and Chuckie put one on him.

Lil: Okay, Tommy.

Phil: Here, Spike! Come on boy. Good dog.

Lil: Come on Spikey! Don't be scared!

(they approach the dog and it runs away, with them grabbing its tail)

Tommy: Okay Chuckie, now that that's taken care of, let's put the diaper on him. Come on Spike! That a'boy! Good doggie! Over here.

(runs after the dog)

Chuckie: Wait, Tommy. That's not how you put on a diaper.

Tommy: (stops running) Why not Chuckie? What's wrong.

Chuckie: (holds up baby powder) You forgot the baby powder . We don't want Spike to get a rash.

Tommy: Oh, yeah, right. (runs after Spike, spraying powder everywhere) Come on Spike! Over here! Good doggie! Hold it you guys! (they all stop chasing Spike; Spike stops and pants) I think I got a better idea. (he approaches the dog and scratches its head) Good doggie Spike! (Spike turns over on his back). Okay guys, he's ready. Phil and Lil, get the diaper. Chuckie, you put on the powder.

Phil and Lil: Right!

Chuckie: Okay!

Tommy: Good doggy!

(Phil and Lil try to put on the diaper while Chuckie sprays him with powder)

Lil: Hey, Spike's tail is in the way!

Phil: (getting hit with Spike's flailing feet) Duh, I'm getting dizzy.

Tommy: Chuckie, hold him! My arms "is" getting tired.

Chuckie: Okay, Tommy! There now, come on Spike. Good doggie! Give me your tail. (grabs it) Done!

Lil: Done!

Phil: Done!

Tommy: Done! Good boy Spike. (the dog sniffs the diaper and tears it off with his teeth immediately) Bad boy Spike.

Chuckie: Now, Tommy! As good daddies, we have to always say nice stuff to him.

Tommy: Oh sorry Chuckie! You're right.

Lil: What do we do now?

Chuckie: Well, I know what my daddy did.

(cut to Spike sleeping in the backyard; the kids put a baby potty near Spike)

Tommy: Come on you guys! Help me get Spike on the seat!

(they place him on the seat as he sleeps)

Tommy: Now what Chuckie?

Chuckie: Now we wait until he has to go. And then we all tell him what a good boy he is and how proud we are that he's using the potty.

Tommy: Uh, that sounds easy.

Phil and Lil: Yeah!

(time lapse indicated by a jump cut; Spike is still sleeping on the potty)

Lil: I'm getting hungry.

Phil: (yawning) I'm gettin' sleepy!

Chuckie: I can't feel my toes.

Tommy: Well, guys. We have to wait 'til Spike has to- (Spike wakes up). Hey, he's movin'. He's doin' it. He's doin' it.

(Spike sits down on the potty. Kids cheer, Spike sees the tree, and makes a dash for it and pees on the tree)

Tommy: Oh no! (kids scream at the dog)

Chuckie: Bad doggie Spike! Very bad doggie!

(cut to kids dragging Spike to the bathroom)

Tommy: We should have thought of this before, you guys! Spike's a big boy doggie and he needs to use the big boy potty! Phil, you open the potty while we get Spike up there.

Phil: Okay! (opens the seat)

Tommy: Okay, Spike. Come on boy! Up here. Good doggy! Sit on the potty!

(dog doesn't move)

Lil: What's the matter?

Phil: How come he's not paying attention?

Tommy: He just doesn't know what to do. Spike's never used the potty before.

Lil: Maybe he needs someone to show him how.

(all the kids stare at Chuckie)

Chuckie: Oh, okay. But I'm only going to pretend to go. And everybody has to cover your eyes while I'm climbing up there.

Tommy: Sure, Chuckie!

(kids cover their eyes; push Spike's head away; Chuckie climbs onto the potty)

Chuckie: Okay, you can turn around now.

(kids turn around; Tommy turns Spike's head back to Chuckie)

Chuckie: Now then, Spike, as you can see, I'm sitting on the potty. It's, um, it's a very comfortable and, um, it's, uh, a much "more" better place to go potty than the tree. (hears water dripping from the leaky faucet) Okay, so when I want to go potty, I just (stammers) close my eyes and um, (stammers), oh-

Tommy: What's the matter Chuckie?

Chuckie: Oh, I really "hafta" go potty again!

Lil: So why don't you just go?

Chuckie: I can't! Not while you guys are in the room.

Tommy: What should we do?

Chuckie: You guys' gotta go. Wah, hurry! Open the door, open the door!

Tommy: I can't reach. It's too high. (trying to get the door knob; Tommy is moaning; Phil and Lil hoist Tommy up to get to the knob) Help me up you guys! Quick!

(Stu enters with a wrench; Tommy, Phil, Lil, and the dog run out)

Stu: Hey Chuckie? You ready to use your big boy potty now? Deed! He's ready!

(Chuckie runs out the door)

Stu: Chuckie? Where are you going?

(cut to Didi taking the baby potty in from the backyard)

Didi: Now how did this get outside? (the dog runs past her) What in the world? Spike?

(the kids run past her)

(cut to Spike by the tree, going to the bathroom)

Tommy: Spike, no!

Chuckie: Hey, hey! Where did my potty go?

(parents peer outside from the kitchen)

Tommy: Well, I guess they changed the rules again.

Chuckie: Uh, that's good. 'Cause I really really have to go now. And I don't care if you guys watch or not. Move over Spike!

(goes to the bathroom on the tree; sigh of relief)

Tommy: You know guys! That kind of looks like fun.

Phil and Lil: Yeah!

Didi: Stu! Call Lipschitz! I think we've got a problem.

(cut to kids peeing on the tree; kids laughing)

Chuckie: Good boy Spike! Good boy!

Compilation (c) 1998 Kathleen Kremer.

Quotes (c) 1997 Viacom.

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